Change Can Be A Haunting Illusion Of Pure Confusion But Conversion Is An Altered Diversion.
In 1997 I had a rather freak accident after receiving a state mandated inoculation.of which I became totally incapacitated, mentally and physically. Due to my medically diagnosed chronic illness, I have been “asleep” for exactly twenty years. Between the full blown depression, the daily doses of Fentanyl, (Morphine Patches) Robaxin, Neurontin, Suboxone, Flexeril, M.S. Contin, Valium, Effexor ER, and Reglan to combat any foreseen problems I may have encountered along the way.
All of the chaos began shortly after my second baby girl was only five years old. At this time my health took a great decline. My body was engulfed in excruciating burning systemic nerve pain. My illness has many names. There is the name Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, Causalgia, Fibromyalgia, and the most common, Chronic Pain Syndrome.
In retrospect, it seems like an enormous fog. In dealing with my pain I chose to shut my loved ones out. My pain was so unbearable I didn’t know how to handle it. I recall telling my patient and understanding but loving husband to lock me up in the small extra bedroom that we have in our home, away from everyone so as not to be a burden to anyone. Needless to say, my request was not granted.
I visited the Pain Management Facility once a month. The drive was is hours away. There were times that I received painful nerve Ganglion blocks to relieve major bilateral temporal and occipital pain. My experience also included (and still present) a severe skin rash that results in blisters and open skin sores, skin discoloration and a hot fire burning sensation. Compared to all of these problems, my constipation seemed like a ride on a carousel at the local county fair.
After so many years with no change in my condition, every day seemed to be cookie cutter. I followed my daily mundane routine. My mind was so ‘Out To Lunch’ that by the Grace of my Creator, menopause came and went and I didn’t feel it. On that note, I consider myself highly favored.
This particular day was different. I had a feeling of total lethargy over me. My husband was a coffee drinker and enjoyed his fresh brew every morning. I got out of bed and went into the kitchen to make that routine cup of coffee. As groggy as I felt, I took those careful and slow steps into the kitchen. I felt a whirlwind of lethargy come upon me. I leaned my body against the kitchen counter with both of my elbows resting on the counter top. My lights went out. The next thing I recall was my husband sitting on the floor to my left, softly patting my chest to bring me back to consciousness.
In the aftermath, my husband explained, “I heard a sound coming from the kitchen, like someone banging on the pantry doors. I called your name and you didn’t answer.” He went on to say, “I got my walking sticks and went into the kitchen. I saw you laying on the floor with your body moving in a jerking motion with your arm hitting against the kitchen cabinet doors. I placed my arm on your chest to see if you were breathing, as I called your name.”
What seemed like a few minutes in time, I felt my husband’s touch and I heard his voice. I opened my eyes. Of course, I wondered what I was doing on the floor. “Why are you sitting on the floor? What am I doing on the floor?” I inquired. He explained. The first emotion I felt was fear. I could have died! If my husband would have been at work I would be dead! Because I didn’t understand what went array, I opted to call 911. Within minutes the response was at our front door.
Tranquil Mountain 